Word count:8143
Hey, this is Leo for actualised.org. And in this video, I'm going to tell you how to stop being jealous. Jealousy is a very tricky, emotion. Very, very tricky. I'm pretty emotionally self aware guy, I have a pretty high emotional intelligence. But jealousy gets me. Not that I'm jealous that much. But the thing that kind of scares me about jealousy so much is that it's such a subtle emotion. And it's so deceptive and tricky and hidden in the way that it acts that it can act on you for years, and you don't even realize what's going on here. So in this video, we're going to talk about the root causes of jealousy, and also some root solutions, how to cure jealousy permanently, I have some really powerful ideas that are going to go to the root of this problem. So we can really tackle this head on. And by jealousy, what do we mean, let's get a little bit specific. So let's throw a couple of specific examples out here so that we know what we're talking about. And we're grounding this discussion. It's not too abstract. So what we mean is, of course, there's sexual jealousy and relationship jealousy. This means that you are jealous of your partner, potentially cheating on you or liking somebody else, or flirting with somebody else, that kind of stuff. So that's a really common one. Another type of jealousy is you can be jealous of the status that somebody else has. So maybe there's a celebrity out there, or someone in your industry or someone in your business, a boss, a business partner and employee, a co worker who has something that you don't have, maybe they've got a certain charm, certain charisma, certain amount of money, a certain car, that they drive, whatever, so you could be jealous about that. You could be jealous about the position they have the status they have. You could be jealous about the personality characteristics that they have, maybe you feel like this person is very attractive, or this person is very handsome, and you want to be like that. Or he's very confident and you want to you wish you could be that way. Or like very funny and you wish you could be that funny yourself. So there's a whole slew of different things that you could be jealous about. And you could also be envious. The word jealousy and envy. You could split hairs and talk about them as though they're separate things. And maybe I'll do that in the future. Right now, I'm just going to be kind of glossing it all over and saying that there's kind of one thing, you can be jealous and you can meet enemies. And the thing with jealousy is that a lot of times it masquerades as some other type of emotion. It might masquerade as frustration, or anger or hatred. It might masquerade as sadness, potentially loneliness. It can also masquerade as criticism directed at that person or that thing or that situation that you're jealous of. And it can come out as demonization. So when you're demonizing somebody else, you could in fact, be jealous of that person. But you don't admit to yourself that the reason you're demonizing them is because you're jealous. And the same goes for the criticism because really, demonization is just a stronger form of criticism and judgment. Let's take a look at what jealousy actually means. If you really look at what's going on here, you're gonna notice that jealousy is an interesting emotion, because it's so sneaky in the way that it affects you. Usually, when you're affected by it, you don't really know that it's the emotion that you're experiencing. It might be obvious to other people, but to you, it's not quite so obvious and may take you a while to catch on to it. This is actually a really cool thing, because we can use this against jealousy to defeat it. And we'll show you how to do that here in a second. But really, at the core of it, what's going on when you're jealous of someone or something is that your identity is feeling threatened. Identity another word for it is ego. Another word for it is self. You could also call it, me, me, right? The person you think you are the thing, this entity that you believe that you are, this is called ego. Or this is your identity. You've got a self image in your mind about what you think you look like, who you think you are, as a human being whether you think you're good or bad, what you're strong in what you're weak at whether you think you're confident or funny or sexy or handsome or attractive or whatever. You've got these self beliefs. And it's under this level of the self image that we really have to work and we really have to work on your self image and we have to work on your ego The fundamental thing here is that you've got this sense of self, that you're trying to protect this sense of self, it's really a false sense. It's an illusion. But that's a deep topic that I'm not going to get into here. I'll mention it briefly at the end of the video as something additionally, you can do if you really want to go deep on this one. But let's just say that you've got this sense of self. And this sense of self is a concoction of all these ideas you have about yourself, all these beliefs you have about yourself. And we believe that this stuff is very real and solid and tangible, but actually, it's not. And actually the sense of self, you also believe that it's very important to your success and well being in life. And that's also a lie. This sense of self doesn't serve you in any way. In fact, it creates a lot of suffering and problems in your life, one of which is jealousy. So the fundamental problem here is that you're not really happy on the inside. And what you've got is you've got this identity, that you're trying to glorify, and you're trying to live up to it. But then you're failing to do that in real life. So maybe you think of yourself as this charming person. But then in real life, in reality, you don't get that feedback of being a charming person, because the people that you're talking to, don't laugh at your jokes on at the right time that you want them to. Or maybe you believe that you're sexy and special. And then you feel threatened, because your partner is flirting with somebody else. And you thought that you this, you the self that you think you are, you really believe that you're this special, sexy, handsome person. And this person here, your partner is potentially flirting or cheating on you. And so this makes you defensive. That's what jealousy does is that always makes you defensive. And there's various different ways in which this defense mechanism can get triggered. So one way that it gets gets gets put out there into the world is that you become very critical. Or even if you don't say anything, you could be just saying stuff in your mind. So be careful about thinking that all well jealousy is only jealousy, if it's actually getting broadcast into the world. If I say something nasty or mean, that's jealousy. But if I think something nasty and mean, that's not jealousy, well, it still is jealousy, it doesn't matter if the dialogue is going on, externally or internally. So you got to be very careful about that. But basically, the reason that you're that you're getting so bothered by this lack of proper feedback from the environment, is because you believe that something really valuable is getting taken away from you. Whether it's a spouse, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a car, a job, a promotion, some status, or whatever you believe is getting taken away from you. And then somehow, this is really threatening you. Also, what it could be doing is that it could be disturbing your self image of yourself. So you've got this image where you think of yourself in this particular light. And when you get some evidence that's contrary to that, that disturbs you, that pains, you that creates pain. And so what you want to do is you want to look away, the whole thing you got to understand about ego is that ego is all about looking away. It's all about like self deception, the ego is very self deceptive. And it never wants to really acknowledge this giant, like ball of bullshit that's inside of you that this ego is and so this is why people are pretentious, sometimes they try to impress other people, they try to appear a certain way, they're not able to be themselves in authentic because they believe that if they were really authentic, then people wouldn't accept them wouldn't love them, or they wouldn't have the success that they want. So they feel like they have to be always living up to something extra. It's really a self esteem issue here. And they don't believe that they can just be happy on the inside. When you feel this sense of loss, for example, your partner flirting with somebody else, you might feel like, well, what if I lose my partner, what if I lose my wife or my husband, that's really going to hurt me that's going to damage my life, that's going to make me feel really bad. That's something that's very, very dangerous, but I have to protect myself against. And the reason you believe that not because that's true in reality, but because you haven't found the happiness within you. So you're not grounded internally. And so therefore for you, you are relying on that person as a crusher, kind of like leaning on that person. And when you lean on that person, and then there's a threat that that person will get taken away. Of course, you fear that you're gonna fall down flat on your face. And maybe that will happen with you, because you haven't found the happiest with it. So what's the ultimate solution to dealing with jealousy? The solution is to turn within. This is not a problem that gets solved externally. You're not going to Within the jealousy game, by going out there and actually defeating that person or that thing, or getting, you know, one up on them, what you need to do is you need to actually say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, this is an internal ego struggle that I'm dealing with. And I just got to turn inward and look inside me to see what's really going on with my self image, my self esteem, my views on reality, my beliefs about myself and other people. That's where the results happen. So don't get tricked by your ego to thinking this is an external problem, it's not an external problem at all. You have to also convince yourself that jealousy is an ego game. And that that's pretty much what's going on here. It's not about the fact that you're actually threatened in some serious way. It's an ego game. And this is important to convince yourself because until you convince yourself of this, then you're not gonna have the awareness, consciousness and self honesty to look inside and do the work that's necessary on the inside. To eradicate this jealousy. If you are able to convince yourself that this is an ego game, then you're going to start to think like this. Oh, so it's, it's me, there's like elements within me that are causing this, let me start to take a look at my ego, let me start to take a look inside and get really honest, get very observant. Because there's some really fishy surreptitious activity going on inside my psyche, I gotta examine that for myself, get a deeper look at it, let's take a look at what's going on. Let's take a look under the hood. And that's the key once you can convince yourself that looking under the hood is a good thing. And once you start to see that all, working under the hood is actually not as easy as I thought it was. It's gonna take some real work, then you've got the foundation set for doing some deep inner work on your jealousy. And I'm gonna show you exactly how to do that right now. The other thing I wanted you to convince yourself of, if you're still not totally bought into this idea that jealousy is an ego game, is that jealousy is destructive to your life. It's going to prevent you from self actualizing, it's going to prevent you from creating an extraordinary life, it's going to prevent you from getting that amazing career success that you want. It's gonna hold you back from having an amazing marriage or relationship that you want, it's gonna hold you back from being the best that you can be as a human being. It's going to make you small and petty, and selfish, rather than selfless, and noble and large, which is who you really want to be. There's like this small side of you. And then there's this big, ambitious, idealistic side of you, the small conservative side of you, is very petty, very negative, it's always worried about protecting itself, it's very selfish. This bigger side of you, is about being magnanimous, be noble, being kind, being generous, you know, all those nice things that they preach to you in church, that kind of stuff. So you have to see that jealousy is really on this end of the spectrum. And that, just, you know, if you're living on this end of the spectrum, what this is going to do is, it's going to really keep you from living a beautiful passionate life, you're not going to be able to be an amazing leader and accompany you're not gonna be able to accomplish great things in your life, you're not going to be able to be in the kind of relationships and interactions with people that you want, you're not going to feel good inside, if you're always defensive, and on guard, about somebody screwing you over somewhere, or not getting what you're deserved, from a certain relationship, or a certain situation at work, or whatever. So I want you to start to convince yourself that this jealousy thing is just like, yes, it's in me, maybe I don't even know how to fix it yet. But I can see that this is an important area in my life that I really should put some attention to and take very seriously. Because if I don't, then it's gonna stay with me. And it's going to toxify the rest of my life in all these different places. So this is just to get you some leverage to want to do some of this work that we're talking about. So the, the solution to the jealousy problem, because jealousy is such a tricky and hidden emotion, the solution to it is just to notice it, just start to notice it, start to label it, that already, you won't believe how much that right there will already start to turn the tide in your favor. start to notice every single instance where you actually aren't jealous. Start to write them down if you want to start to keeping a jealousy journal or a log. And you start writing this down to start noticing. And I'm gonna get into that a little bit more here in a minute. But before I go there, let's also talk about it Ah, your vision for yourself as a human being and for your life, I hope that one of the values you have is that you want to be a good human being, you want to be a noble, self actualized human being, you want to be a big person, not a little person in life, being a little person is really pathetic way to live life. Hope you can see that. I hope you want to be big person, even if you don't currently know how exactly you're gonna get there. But you know, that drive is, is the beginning, it's like that, see, that's gonna grow though. The oak tree, you need that seed, you need to plant that seed. And I really want you to ask yourself, What are your life principles and life values? What do you ultimately want out of life? What do you actually like set as a standard for yourself? Because this is very important. Maybe there's some situation at work or in this relationship where you really wish you could get something a little bit more than you're currently getting. But let's get back to center and get you grounded within yourself. What are your life principles? What are the principles by which you're living your life? You know, kind of stuff like honesty, integrity, excellence, justice, beauty, or whatever, you know, whatever they are for you, for everyone's a little different. And what are your top values in life? What do you really value life? For me personally, I value understanding I value truth, I value independence, I value excellence. I value creativity, I love I value purpose and passion. And value intimate relationships. Value health. So nowhere in my top 10 values do I find the value of pettiness or being small or thinking in a jealous way towards people. And I hope that for you, if you really get centered right now that you'll see that too, that nowhere in your top 10 values or principles of life, will you find this jealousy thing is playing a part. In fact, you're probably gonna find that jealousy is running against the grain of what your top noble values are. And that's good. So the reason that you want this is because now, when you ground yourself, at least, then you can see oh, can this I'm a noble person, I want to be a big person, not a small person. So the next step is acknowledging that jealousy is a petty behavior. And it's a behavior, whether it happens externally or just internally, it's still a behavior. It's a petty behavior, and then it's below you. It's below your own standards. Acknowledge this to yourself right now, if you believe it's true, acknowledge it to yourself. I want you to also now picture whichever situation, you find yourself being Jellison, I want you to actually picture now how you see yourself winning, using the jealousy strategy. So usually, if the jealousy strategy goes something like this, well, this person, like, I really, I really hate that person, because then you're gonna start to criticize and come up with all sorts of reasons. And you're gonna take maybe some passive aggressive behavior towards your boss, or towards a co worker, towards a business partner, or towards some celebrity, or towards your mate, your your marriage mate, or whatever. I want you to see like, what are the ramifications of that picture how it's gonna play out. So you're going to take this passive aggressive behavior and stance to this person, you're going to criticize them, you're gonna say how bad they are, and how stupid they do things and how they don't understand how you know how life is supposed to work, whatever. And maybe you're gonna, like, go into opposition against them, you can like, fight the good fight, you're gonna stand up for yourself or something like that. Maybe you have an argument with them, you're gonna yell at them, or whatever, maybe we're gonna suddenly undermine what they're doing. Maybe you're gonna sabotage their work, or maybe you're gonna try to make them feel guilty in some sort of way. You're gonna do something like that. But then they'll carry that thought through what's gonna actually happen as a result of that. What's gonna happen? What is the objective here this jealousy, this jealousy is supposed to improve your life, it's supposed to what make you happier, somehow, it's supposed to give you more of something. So that if I give you this thing, now all I'm happy all the sudden, I'm fulfilled. And if I take it away from you, you feel ah, I'm not happy. I can't be happy without this thing. I need this thing. Well, now picture, you're using this jealousy to acquire this thing. It's going to make you happy. But is that actually going to happen? What are you going to acquire? And after you acquire it, is it actually going to make you happy? How are you going to feel about yourself using these tactics? What you think it's going to do to you internally? We think it's going to do to your psychological state. Is that going to be able to produce a happy state for you? Or can you see that it's going to have kind of toxify everything. It's gonna make everything sour, even if you win, using the jealousy strategy, you're going to lose. Because it's going to sour everything. And it's going to go against your life principles, and your highest values. So carry that chain thinking through, and I want you to be very specific, I don't know what your exact situation is, but I want you to like, sit down and actually visualize close your eyes and kind of visualize what's gonna, what's gonna happen, what's the chain of events that you want to accomplish here, be aware of how you're going to do it. Because I want you to see that ultimately, it's not going to get you to where you want it to get you. Maybe you think that actually, it will get you there. Maybe you think that well, if I just you know, if I get my husband back from from flirting, if I can stop him from flirting with with all these girls, then that's going to be me getting what I want. What's wrong with that? Leo, I got what I want. I'm happy now. But see, you know, you gotta you gotta carry the psychological reasoning through. If that's what you're thinking, then you got to understand that Wait a minute. Well, first of all, I'm trying to control some person here, controlling a person ever in life already a huge red flag, don't try to control people, that's a recipe for disaster. But let's say you control that person, you manipulate him into doing whatever you want them to do, okay? But then you have to keep that control constantly. So what's gonna do is gonna put you into a fear state all the time, you're gonna have to be like, in this protective bubble, where you're trying to protect yourself, what happens if, two years later, your husband is talking to some cute girl again, maybe he's not even flirting with her. But immediately in your mind, the radar is gonna trigger, you're gonna have this alarm, like, Oh, is it gonna happen again. And you're gonna have to get defensive and protective. Now, this state of being constantly defensive and protective, and kind of caught in fear, trying to protect this self image that you've got, is that going to lead to happiness, that's what I want you to really look at. So if you need to pause the video right now, and visualize through that process, and then come back here. Okay, good. So I hope you did that, if that was necessary for you. The next really important thing that you got to understand is that you have to recognize that external things really, truly do not have value to you. And this is difficult to understand, I have a video called What is happiness, you might want to check that out. I'll link it below, which talks more about this. I have other videos that talk more about this. But basically, the idea is that no thing actually gives you value. This is a trick. This is a trick of the ego. To think that acquiring stuff, external stuff gets to value. And by value here, we mean a very important thing. So yes, you can get a car that's worth $100,000. And you've got $100,000 of value technically in that car. So that's true. I'm not denying that. But you have to look at a deeper value here. And the deeper value is not money, or social status, or fame or whatever else. But it's happiness. What you really want in your life is you want happiness, and you want peace of mind, and you want fulfillment. Those are not satisfied by external things, even though it seems like they are sometimes this is beyond the scope of this one video. So watch my other videos about this. I also have a great video called How to be attractive, which talks a lot about this. See, check that one out, especially if you're dealing with the kind of a sexual jealousy type of deal. But the idea here is that actually, if you sit down and you really think about it, you really study your psychology, and maybe watch some videos, you'll start to understand that an external thing doesn't make you happy. And therefore it has no real value to you. So that thing you think that you're jealous of this word, recognize that it's not going to make you happy, even if you get it. If you're jealous of someone's house or car, if you get that house or car. That's your ideal scenario, right? Just give me that house and car and I'll be happy. No, you won't. If you're jealous of that girlfriend or boyfriend, and you think well just give me that girlfriend and boyfriend all to me, and I'm gonna be happy. No, you won't. You're incapable of being happy. Happiness is on the inside. That's why we turned inside. From the very beginning when I said the solution is to turn inwards. Well, we've turned inwards, which means that external objects are not important to us right now. What's important to us is the internal mindsets that we have and we need to cultivate a happiness from within rather than proper selves up on something for happiness from without. The other thing you have to recognize is that other people also cannot give you value. Now this sparks up a lot of people's thinking this really goes against them. rate of what people have been taught or what they think the school is kind of against the grain of common sense. But actually, it's also true, that no relationship can actually give you true value. No human relationship can give you happiness. It's a little hard to recognize this, watch my video on how to be attractive for more about that. But basically, once you start meditating a little bit, when you start really thinking about how your psychology works, how in the past, you've interacted with people, and things we should recognize is that, yes, a human being can give you some sex, they can give you some comfort, they can give you some excitement, some fun, you can go to an amusement park with your girlfriend, or boyfriend or whatever. Or yes, they can even bear your children for you. And yes, they can do tasks for you. And yes, they can give you a job, and they can give you money. But this goes back to the first point, these external things these people give you. They're not real value. And even the so called Love that people give you. You might say, well, Leo, love, what about love, I need love in my life. No, you don't need love in your life. Love is a nice thing to have, if you can get it on reasonable terms. But it doesn't make you happy in and of itself. Unless you're happy already on the inside. You have to be happy on the inside first. And then the love is nice. It just amplifies everything takes everything to a new level. If you get love, but you're flawed on the inside, you can't be happy on the inside. You've got self esteem issues and stuff, then that love will just, you know, improve your state a little bit. But it's, it's not going to make you happy, you're going to be miserable. Still, with just a layer of love on top of it. Miserable love. This is very common. You've probably experienced this many times and prior relationships. So this is another thing that you have to like, really sit down. For me. You know, I recognize this about a year ago. And it was really not very kind of contemplative, Zen like meditative state that I kind of recognize that. Oh, shit. Like, no matter how much I build up my business, no matter what kind of hot girl I get in my life, no matter how nice people are, to me, no matter how well recognized and rationalized I'd work for matter how many subscribers I have, no matter how much money I'm making every single month. Even if I meet all my wildest dreams and all those areas. I can just like visualize and picture myself, that's not going to make me happy. It's all going to be nice stuff. But on the inside, I have to, I have to be happy on the inside, for me to truly be happy. So that was a realization that I had about a year ago, that was very important. And that's actually something you can recognize, and then you can lose track of, you can forget about it, it's easy to forget this stuff, then you can recognize it again. Six months later that forget about it again. So you have to kind of like keep bringing yourself back, that's kind of the point of what we're doing in this video is we're kind of grounding you, right? And I want you to be habitually grounding yourself in your highest values. And to ground yourself in the highest values, you have to understand that the lowest values are not really that valuable. They're not going to produce happiness for you. So how do you actually cure jealousy? Beyond all this mindset stuff we talked about, really, it's about self honesty, self honesty, and the practice of mindfulness, I have a video called mindfulness, you might want to check that out. I'll link it below, which tells you how to use the technique of mindfulness. But I want to briefly tell you how to use it here right now, specifically for jealousy. So what is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of simply observing exactly what's happening in the present moment without judgment. And this is the technique that you're going to use to dissolve your jealousy. So what I want you to start doing is I want you to start noticing, in the moment that you're having your jealousy as you're having I want you start noticing that you are having it. I want you to start labeling it. So the jealousy is happening. You tell us if that's jealousy in your mind, oh, that's jealousy, right? Let me observe how it plays out. And the trick here with the mindfulness is that you don't want to judge yourself, you don't wanna make yourself feel guilty or bad about the jealousy that you're having. And you don't want to stop your jealousy prematurely. What you want to do is you want to kind of like a hunter observes his prey, moving through the forest, you just want to watch that jealousy, do its nasty business. And you just want to like watch it objectively without trying to interfere. This is what mindfulness is. It's a pretty simple process, but it's also very difficult to do because you are so unconscious when you are engaging in jealous behavior. or just thinking. So you have to become very observant of this. For example, keeping a jealousy law, like we talked about is a great way to practice this. But I want you to get better at seeing you being jealous in the moment. Just that right there. If you keep practicing that day after day after day, week, after week, month after month, that will endure jealousy, eventually, that will autocorrect it. But you have to actually stay consistent and be mindful. You can't just forget about it. You can't just be mindful once or twice, you got to keep the mindfulness going. I want you also to start looking at what are the repercussions and what's really going on here. So when you're jealous, like I'm jealous that my boyfriend for flirting with some cute girl, I want you to stand there and look at what's actually going on. I'm jealous of him. Why am I jealous of him? I'm jealous of him. Because I believe that I'm going to lose something I feel threatened. Now go into that feeling of I feel threatened. Look into that. I feel from Why do I feel threatened? Well, I feel threatened because maybe she's more beautiful than me. Maybe I'm I'm unlovable. Maybe I got less affection as a kid when I was growing up, then my sister My brother did. And so now I feel like I need more love. Maybe I feel like if I don't get that love, then my life is not going to turn out the way that I want it to. Maybe I fear that this relationship will crumble and I'll be lonely forever. So see, you got to look deeper into what's going on there. And you got to start to see that this is you trying to protect a self image. And notice that the self image, it's just a big bunch of ideas. It's not as solid as it appears to be. You can look through the self image, you can say, You know what, why don't I just take my self image, my ego, just set it aside just for a second, set it aside. And just like be cool with the situation you can do that just for a little bit, just start trying it out like that and seeing what's going on. And see how you feel. Notice how the self is trying to protect, notice that when you see the self protecting, and when you're actually looking at the activity, you're not blind to it, then it starts to feel very wrong. It starts to feel very petty, very small of you. And it brings you back to your original higher principles and values in life. And you tell yourself something like well, you know, I don't want to be the small person, I actually want to be like a generous, magnanimous noble person. So if he's gonna cheat on me or flirt with somebody, let them do it, I'll take the higher ground. Because that makes me feel better, I actually will feel better if I take the high ground than if I take the lower ground and when. So this mindfulness practices is the key. Another thing you can try doing is I actually want you start thinking favorably, and I want you to start thinking those people around you that have more than you, or have the things that you don't have things that you're jealous of. So if your neighbor has that amazing car that you want, and you're jealous of, I want you to look at that car, look at our neighbor and tell yourself wait a minute. I need to stop criticize this criticizing this is small petty behavior. Let me stop criticizing him. Let me just say, Oh, cool. I admire car dude, electric car. Good job for you got this beautiful car. Acknowledge that. You don't have to actually verbalize it to him, you can just do it in your head. And if you're seeing your man chatting up with some cute girl who's younger than you, and you feel a little insecure about it, then you can take a look and say, Wait a minute, wait a minute, let me let me stop being defensive for a second. Let me do the exact opposite of what my ego wants me to do. Instead of protecting myself, let me open myself up and say, Oh, she's a really beautiful girl. Amazing, beautiful girl. She's got a great personality. She's got the full package, she's gonna find herself an amazing man. I hope she finds herself an amazing man and gets married to him or whatever. So this is the activity of actually doing the opposite of criticism is that criticizing and judging people you're actually giving them the benefit of the doubt you're like, you know what, she's probably an awesome person. Instead of thinking that she's a mean bitch to who's gonna ruin this guy's life. Your man's life. You can say oh, she's actually looks like a really wonderful person. I wish her the best. If it's your boss, actually Sophia. Well, my boss is doing great. I'm sure he's going to you know advance in his career or whatever. And kind of be honest honestly actually. Make yourself wish that for him that he does well instead of doing badly. This will go against the grain of what your Eagle wants you to do. It will be an interesting feeling. I've actually been trying this lately myself because up one thing I noticed I was kind of jealous about Have some of the YouTube subscriber numbers that some of some of the other kinds of people on YouTube and YouTube channels have. You know, some people have way more subscribers than me and I kind of look at that I'm like, Oh, damn, you know, this person, he's got so many subscribers, but you know, his videos are so stupid, and they're so like, pointless and unintelligent. And then I looked at this person, I'm like, Oh, well, this person has some other problem with him. He's got so many subscribers, but he's got this other problem. And so now, one of the things I'm kind of forcing myself to do is every time I look at somebody who's getting a lot of subscribers, is to be like, hey, like, great, get more subscribers, I want you to get more subscribers, not less subscribers. If you're doing good, like, I want you to do good. And this can be a little bit unnatural, but just kind of forcing yourself to do this makes you feel so good. Because it goes so much against the grain of this pettiness that you're kind of automatically trying to execute. If you're unconscious about this stuff. I want you to think like this. I'm a big person. And I'm not a small person, I'm a big person. So I actually have the resources within me to allow other people to be successful around me. It's okay, I'm not stuck in scarcity mindset, I've got this abundance mindset, I kind of have faith in myself, that if it's this career promotion, I don't get it, somebody else gets it. Okay, fine. There's other career promotions. There's not only one career promotion, and if there's this, you know, this car, this house that I want it and somebody else gets it, it's fine. There's other houses and cars that I can get. And if it's this girlfriend or boyfriend, who's potentially going to leave me because they're gonna go with somebody else, we know what, that's fine, too. I'm cool with that, because I know that I'm attractive. And I know that I can get other people, other guys or girls to, to want to be with me. And I'm big enough to allow that I don't need to be protective all the time, I can just kind of like, open up. Rather than being closed. Force yourself to open up even when it doesn't feel natural, even when it feels like it's gonna threaten your security and your sons of survival. Open it up, because your ego is all about closing you up. Kind of like a turtle sticking its head in its shell, that's what your ego is always doing is protecting and trying to keep you safe and secure and in survival mode. But what tends to happen is that yes, survival is important. But also it can become very petty, to just be thinking about survival all the time, and affect your survival after a certain point gets amplified by letting go and sticking your head out of the shell. Because if the turtle always has its head, and its legs, and arms sucked up into the shell, then it's not going anywhere in life, it's sitting still, and eventually, something's going to come around and eat it. So it's gonna die. So you can't be so protective all the time, you have to open yourself up, open yourself up. Trust that even if someone hurts you, it's okay, you can deal with it, you're not fragile, you're strong. This goes back to the issue of self esteem. So if you have very serious low self esteem, then everything I'm telling you here, it's gonna seem, it's gonna seem a little too idealistic for you, it's gonna seem like all believe, Oh, it's so easy for you to say that. But for me, you know, I didn't get enough love as a kid, or for me, you know, I had this traumatic event or whatever, I don't think of myself in a strong way. I don't believe that I'm strong. I don't believe that I'm lovable. I don't believe that I'm attractive. I don't believe that there's abundance in the world, I believe that we're in a scarce world, I need to protect myself. Well, that issue, you know, that's a deep issue that we'll cover in other videos. So that's not one we can just fix immediately. But still, the best way to fix that is to start to open yourself up. abundance mindset is built when you have a scarcity mindset, but then you go against it. And you say, You know what, fuck it, I'm just going to try to be abundant, be a little bit more abundant. And as you become more and more, kind of pushing your abundance comfort zone, then your abundance kind of envelope expands. So start doing that. I want to give you a couple of other suggestions that you can use as techniques to start to work on this. Jealousy stuff. So we already talked about mindfulness is one key technique. And I really hope you start learning about that and practicing and implementing it. You can use mindfulness not just for jealousy, but for many other things. But here's a couple other things, which I have videos on, and I'll shoot more videos on in the future, but I'm not going to cover them in this video. So one is you have to start to study ego, how does the ego function and really this gets you into enlightenment work, enlightened works really powerful, really deep work. It's the most advanced personal element work that you can do, and I'll have more videos about that. But this basically starts to tell you that your ego is just a big ball of bullshit. It's just a total illusion. When you start to see that your self image and self esteem issues literally dissolve. They go away completely and permanently. This is the ultimate solution to all self esteem issues, and all self image issues. You don't want to To build a stronger self esteem necessarily, what you can do is you can just literally eliminate the whole issue altogether. So that goes to the very root of the problem. That's advanced work, though, maybe you're not ready for that. So something that's less advanced is just doing self esteem work, self esteem work, I have a couple of different videos about self esteem, I'll link them down below, and I'll be shooting more. But basically, there's a whole slew of work you can do, you know, therapy work, they can call they call it shadow work, you can buy books about you can do exercises, and you can buy self help products and videos and stuff that will teach you how to start to work on your self esteem. So check out my video on that and start maybe doing some of that self esteem work. affirmations and visualizations can be very powerful techniques that you can use to counteract low self esteem and jealousy. So, you might want to check out my videos on that I've got videos on both positive affirmations and visualizations that might help you. And lastly, meditation. Meditation is a really powerful technique. It's a really powerful habit you should be doing daily, I have a couple of videos, I have a really powerful video on meditation that you might want to watch that will help you set up a daily meditation habit. And if you do do that, then that will help you with your mindfulness work throughout the day. Also, it will help you see that happiness is on the inside, right? Remember that point about happiness not being in external objects are people? Well, meditation will help to teach you that it's a little hard to convey that to you just in a video just by talking to you logically, it's hard to logically convince you that you have to, you have to actually become aware of it as you're meditating. So try that one out. That's a really powerful habit to build. Anyways, we talked about so much stuff here, you've got a lot of different places to start and work with if you've got this jealousy issue. So there's really no excuse for why your jealousy should continue. You understand how it works now. You are not unconscious to it anymore. You're getting better at identifying it. Now I want you to start practicing this stuff, and commit to practicing some of these techniques and get them really ingrained in your life. Until your jealousy goes away. Stick with it and you'll do great. Alright, display on signing off, go ahead, post your comments down below. Click the like button like this video. Also help it spread around share it on Facebook with a friend. The more these videos spread, the more free content I can keep releasing and finally comm and sign up to my newsletter at actualized. Org right here. It's a free newsletter. I release new videos every single week on self actualization topics kind of like this. We cover so much material, but one of my favorite things to cover is emotional issues. How do we deal with the negativity, the low self esteem, the lack of confidence, the shyness, all of this stuff, it might seem like this is foreign to me, but trust me, I have all these problems. I've dealt through a lot of these problems in the past. And yes, they can be fixed. Yes, they can be solved. You can get amazing transformations, with your self esteem, with your low confidence with your shyness with your feeling of attractiveness with not feeling like you're loved. All that stuff can be fixed. But you have to do it on a regular basis. One video doesn't fix it. So sign up, you'll be getting more videos every single week. We're gonna be all set for that. There's also some great bonuses for signing up. You get some exclusive videos there for free. Also, I released all my videos for free as mp3 downloads. So if you want to listen to them while you're at the gym or at work or on your drive to work, then that's available for you for free too. So go ahead and sign up